W. C. Fields (1880 - 1946)

I remember tasting beer as a child. I was given a sip of a cold one and suddenly wished I could tear my lips off. That was enough to last me into high school when I tried again, a chance to get with the in-crowd. Nada. Nothing-doing. I'd rather eat raw cactus. No amount of cajoling could get me to drink any more of the foul stuff. For the entire length of my childhood and straight into college, all attempts to imbue an alcoholic beverage left me with a pinched face and a search for Tic Tacs or Life Savers.

And coffee. I love walking down the coffee aisle in the supermarket. Sampling the sweet aroma is most pleasant. But one sip of that evil concoction and my tongue seek refuge. I can feel it retreating down my throat. I can't tell you how many people have made their version of coffee claiming that I would surely like it if THEY made it. Idiots. But inevitably the cup remains just as full as it did when they pour me a sample.

Once I would have thought or said that I was just particular or picky. Now I know that there is a perfect explanation. I'm a supertaster. More powerful than a locomotive (or average tastebud). Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound (or rather reject most vegetables at a single dinner). To quote Wikipedia, "A supertaster is a person who experiences the sense of taste with far greater intensity than average. The cause of this heightened response is currently unknown, although it is thought to be, at least in part, due to an increased number of fungiform papillae."

Rock on! I can see the bumper sticker now. My fungiform papillae are more numerous than your fungiform papillae.

Do I know for sure that I have this superhuman gift over normal man? No. However a lot of evidence supports it. Wikipedia goes on to list a great number of foods that I definitely will not eat. However it lists carbonated water and I probably pay one fifth of the salaries at Coca-Cola. But Coke does provide further proof. Sometimes I'll buy a Coke that I think is bad, but everyone else thinks is fine. So far I have not found someone who shares the same bad-Coke taste I've discovered.

The complete list given on Wikipedia includes: alcoholic beverages, Brussels sprouts, cabbage, kale, coffee, grapefruit juice, green tea, spinach, soy products, carbonation in drinks such as in soda, beer, etc., chili peppers (capsaicin burn is more intense in supertasters), tonic water (quinine is more bitter to supertasters) and olives. Only item on this list that I can say I've eaten and enjoyed is spinach. It was only once, and it might have been the way it was prepared. Otherwise you can keep all of the above.

So with this new revelation I begin to wonder what foods are enhanced by my supertasting. According to a few other websites, sweets are enhanced by a factor of two. However it's the amount of bitterness that is heightened and thus steers you away from the items listed above. Well in any case, whether supertasting makes me a superhero or not, I'm still getting a cape.

Addendum: I have successfully consumed alcohol without resorting to self mutilation.