Wrestling with God

A beautiful barn in the little county that I live in. Photo critics go to Tom King and his friend

In my mind today I am wrestling with God. I got up this morning and read my scriptures. I read about Jacob wrestling with someone but the person had extreme strength. They didn't give up the fight. In the end the angel or God spoke to him and said from this day forward you will be Israel. I said I cannot imagine wrestling with God but then when I look at my life with ALS I am wrestling with God. Sometimes I wrestle with God and plead for more time to be with family and friends. Sometimes I wrestle with God crying out for him to use me to help this little city be a place of solace, a place of peace. Sometimes I wrestle with God and cry out for him to end it. I'm exhausted and tired and ready to go to my resting place. Some days are diamonds students and some days are dust. I've had quite a few dusty days. My body has been screaming out in pain but the pain of my physicality is not what cripples me. It is the pain in my heart that longs to be free. Free to be with God forever. Peace. Rest. Bliss. These are things that my heart craves. These are things that I know as a human I will never be totally free of while I am on this Earth. There is always someone that needs a loving touch, a helping hand, or a simple prayer. Busy. That's what I am, busy. To look at the chair you may imagine that this girl is not busy. She is like the queen bee! I chuckle because at the library last week and the week before we talked about bees with the children. As they described the queen bee, I thought wow that is the way my family has to be for me. It doesn't seem very fair. These are days that I cry out for God to rescue his faithful servant. There is so much to harvest for God in our lives. Just as scripture says the laborers are few. That is why I wrestle to stay here. I talk to God often and I know his plans are for the good of not just for me but for everyone around me. I have to stay the course even though some days I desperately want to wave a white flag. Students, do you wrestle with God? I know the back row thinks they can take him out! And you may think that I am a little crazy to think that anyone would try to wrestle with God but we do. We bargain constantly. We wrestle with God when he speaks to our hearts and we do not listen. If something goes wrong in our life, we wrestle with God. Students, what are you wrestling with today? If it is something you feel trapped with or is it someone who has hurt you, stop wrestling God. Ask him to take it. He will. This will be the only way I will surrender, into the arms of God. Have you figured out what you need? Cry out to God. Yes, it is a daily assignment!