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Nigerian Emails, you gotta love 'em

Posted Saturday, June 7, 2008, at 2:32 PM

The scary part about those emails from Niger is that they must be working, somewhere, somehow, else they wouldn't still be circulating all these years after Al Gore invented the internet. I've actually "taken the bait" or rather pretended to, in order to investigate how their schemes might work. But the truth is, I've never had them attempt to "set the hook", "reel me in" or any other follow up after I've replied to their pleas for help in dispersing all that "disposable" income. I guess the con-artists are a bit too savy to my sarcasm. In the text below is one such email I received on Saturday, along with one of my scripted replies. Let me know what you think, and maybe, we can come up with a scheme where we can reel in the fishermen, and feed them to us, the fish.

From: PAPADOMINIC PAPADOINIC [mailto:papadominic@walla.com]

Sent: Saturday, June 07, 2008 10:53 AM

Subject: >>JUNK>> Listen to this widow

Importance: Low

Greetings,

It become absolutely necessary that I contact you. I have no doubt that this will come to you as a surprises. But as times goes as you read along, you will understand me properly.

I am Reverend Papa Dominic, I am the senior pastor of the minister's of God church. I also occupy the post of FEDERAL RESERVE ACCOUNT OF THE GOVERNMENT OF THE FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA. I am contacting you in respect of a member of my ministry, Mrs.Jane Arikawe .She is the wife of LFT COL AKIN ARIKAWE. Mr. AKIN was shot to death accidentally on 15th January2007 by Nigerian police.

Since then, matter has being in the court ,2 weeks ago, the government agreed to compensates the family with the sum $4.8million dollars. Now, Mrs AKIN asked me to use my position ,on the trust she had for me to get her a neutral human,to assist her secure this money from the government.

According to tradition in Africa she will be asked to go and re-marry leaving her with nothing, While all their sweat/property will go to the biological brothers, sisters and parents just because She had no child with her late husband.

I am contacting you, without any regret that with your position, she will have no regret and will not beg ,this I am confident of. All I am pleading is your total understanding to receive this money $4.8million from the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT RESERVE OIL ACCOUNT DEPOSIT here in your country so that she will come over to meet with you for your advice to investment. Please all I need is your total support, your full name and address, telephone (mobile number) and you're banking details so that my office will approve this fund on your name according to the instructions by Mrs Akin.

Note: you are expected to keep this secret at this point to avoid the kinsmen of the late husband seizing the fund from her, as all they are waiting now is for her to receive this money from the Government since she is the only person the court recognises because the federal high court also don't encourage this tradition ,it's an abomination before the creator. It must be stopped.

Be rest assures that this is risk free,I am the DIRECTOR FEDERAL RESERVE ACCOUNT who has discretionary power to approve the fund.Please you will be appreciated .I look for to your response to this email. papadominic@walla.com

Regards,

Reverend Papa Dominic,

Reserve Account Director

Federal Republic Of Nigeria.

My reply:

I am so excited and very much would like to help any way I can Reverend. It is amazing how much $ you folks in Nigeria have to dispose of. We have a similar problem here in the US, so I am not sure if my bank account will hold any more, but please don't be offended, I will do my best to accommodate the grieving widow. I do know of a few homeless people that could help you out, but they do not have a bank account, and I doubt if they will open one up. They are so selfish that way, not having any responsibilities, cares, or worries, but I will do my best to persuade them, but I'm afraid they would never be able to dispose of that kind of wealth and trying to do so might ruin their lifestyles. May I suggest a charitable organization like the Red Cross, Humane Society, American Cancer Society, etc.


Comments
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I recieved one a few weeks ago that truly made me mad..a person claiming to be a sargent in the us army stationed in bagdad claimed to have found money in one of sadams castles and needed help with it. ha!! I am a military .com member and looked up his name and he does not exist.. i was not surprised.. My son was in bagdad when the war first broke loose and HE was with the troops that broke into bagdad and toppled sadams regime..not once, but twice.. so i was offended by this person. COWARD!!!! please people??? do not fall for this kind of garbage in search of a better life.."If it looks like a duck,it probably is!"

-- Posted by wkdstpmom on Thu, Jul 31, 2008, at 5:37 PM

nigerians think all american are stupid.

these people are on all of the friends sites like my space,yearbook ,tagged and perfspot.they have more scams to get money than anyone realizes.i,ve heard alot of them but ever now and then i heard of a new.please folks do not trust these people even if it sounds good.they will get you in trouble and don't care.check out the FBI website there is a section just for nigerian scams.

-- Posted by ran66 on Fri, Jul 4, 2008, at 8:32 PM

I like Neil's suggestion, but, I think these people are just slightly smarter than the people who actually fall for these scams.

-- Posted by Just Amazing on Thu, Jun 19, 2008, at 11:20 AM

you should translate your response to an african language, then have a free auto translator translate it back poorly to english and send it to him.

-- Posted by jonboon on Sun, Jun 8, 2008, at 8:16 PM

How About:

Reverend Papa Dominic

I am thanking you for your business communication to me. Here in America, business opportunities of this good kind are not easy to come by and I would like being a fool to let such a deal pass on. Before such a transaction could be made possible, however, I would need you to do me a favor to help me get started. Since I do not have enough money to start a bank account, the necessity would be this. I will send you a cashier's check (and I am trusting you because you are obviously a good person to see me reply) for $5,000US. You must cash this cashier's check to your account and send me $3,000US to open a bank account here in American. As a generosity to you for being such a kind person, please keep the remaining balance of $2,000US for your troubles. Please be so kind as to send an address in which to mail the check. I am also willing to have a friend directly wire the money into your account if you send me your account number and bank routing number. He cannot give the money directly to me because of religious reasons I'm sure you understand.

Your friend and future business partner,

-- Posted by neildoolin on Sun, Jun 8, 2008, at 4:23 AM

I got a very good endorphin-generating belly laugh from this very creative posting......................

-- Posted by Johnny Yuma on Sun, Jun 8, 2008, at 3:41 AM


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