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Tuesday, Sep. 16, 2014

Spam ain't what it used to be.

Posted Monday, September 24, 2007, at 10:41 AM

(Photo)
Not this kind. The other kind.
My spam is becoming spooky and disturbing lately. And although it should be obvious, I will go ahead and point out that I am talking about the email kind and not the pink, glutinous kind. (Although that kind is pretty spooky and disturbing too, if you make the mistake of pondering where it comes from.)

It used to be fairly straightforward. I'd get messages regarding home refinancing, inexpensive medications of various types, genuine Rolex watches and so on. Names were misspelled to confuse and confound filtering software (or possibly because that's just the way they spell things in Lagos), but otherwise it was fairly conventional, albeit obnoxious, sales pitches coming in a steady, never-ending stream. For variety, the stream was sprinkled with messages from banks that needed me to remind them of my account numbers and a truly surprising number of young women who are extremely interested in making my acquaintance for some reason.

But not anymore. Now I get messages from people with names like Pipo Geiger or Cornelius Boswell or Patriq Maijerlink, full of cryptic, seemingly coded messages, strange excerpts from technical journals or ancient literature, and what I can only describe as edgy Beat poetry. And I often can't figure out what it is they want me to buy or do. It's freaking me out.

Just today I received a message from someone named Tpfqfmiknlz, seemingly having to do with the Haslar Royal Naval Hospital at Gosport, England. At least that's what the first line indicated. But then it went on to say, "Experts endgame boss wrestler." That's intriguing, I thought. So I read on. It continued, "Shield exposure quixotic deforming cope it." The end of the message was, "Richie spends just minutes in jail."

What am I supposed to make of this? And what does it have to do with the Royal Naval Hospital? And what about another one that came in yesterday? It says, "ungross ungrotesque unground. When Herilus in single fight I slew, Whom with three lives Feronia did endue." Turns out "endue" is a Middle English word that means "imbue." That's interesting, I guess, but I'm still at a loss as to what the point is.

So I've had it. Until these people start making sense, I'm getting all my genuine Rolex watches and prescription medications from carnies at the fair, like I always have.


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Creative spam gives practice, anonymously, to the would be Shakespeare's of the future

They get their jollies knowing someone is readin' it.

-- Posted by Johnny Yuma on Mon, Sep 24, 2007, at 10:51 PM

Is spam the internet's incurable disease? I've set up new email addresses to get away from it but it keeps coming back. First, with a new addy, you have no spam. Of course you have no mail from anyone else either until you give your new address to a few friends and associates. Then a well-meaning friend sends a cute little happy face greeting that they got from one of the "free" internet services. The spam is sure to follow. The friend has to give your new email address to the Happy Face Greeting Card Company so they can send you the "free" greeting. How does this "generous" enterprise stay in business? BY SELLING YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS TO SPAMMERS!!! Excuse me for shouting but I really get emotional about the WoS, War on Spam. :-) Nothing's free.

-- Posted by gb on Sat, Sep 29, 2007, at 3:26 AM


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