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Tuesday, Sep. 27, 2016

I Saw it Coming

Posted Monday, September 15, 2008, at 8:39 AM

True, I may think Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac were a country duet act from the 1940s, but I could have warned everyone about this current financial crisis. As usual nobody asked me.

It comes as no surprise to me that the Lehman Brothers investment banking concern would finally go belly up. You see, I went to school with the Lehman Brothers. And they still owe me money.

Anybody who knew Dickie, Ted and little Rosario Lehman could have told you that any multi-jillion-dollar banking concern they were involved in would end up going sour. Dickie was always a rotten kid, as well as financially irresponsible. Once he put a paper bag full of negotiable bonds on the English teacher's front porch, set it on fire, rang the doorbell and ran. Teddy Lehman was even worse. He would skip school to hang out at the town gas station with the older boys, smoking cigarettes and speculating on motor oil futures. The sheriff could never prove it, but it was common knowledge that it was Ted Lehman who knocked over the outhouse behind the local Merrill Lynch office. And don't get me started about Rosario Lehman. In kindergarten he was already overseeing the re-sale of over-valued mortgages to kids who couldn't read the fine print. Or any other print, for that matter.

Anyway, the whole thing is just so sordid. No wonder Mr. and Mrs. Lehman changed their name and moved to Oklahoma.

But as I say, it comes as no shock to me. So you won't see me freaking out over the consequent stock market plunge. In any case, my net worth is entirely locked up in utilities, real estate and commodities. (That is to say, utility bills, mortgage payments and groceries.)

And I'm all set. I have my 1970s-era tricked-out chopper bubble gum card collection to retire on.

Showing comments in chronological order
[Show most recent comments first]

If only people had invested smart, like I did and collect every Garbage Pail Kids sticker set and Green Hornet comic books. You guys are dummies!

-- Posted by jonboon on Tue, Sep 16, 2008, at 2:59 PM

I'm the guy responsible for everybody else's collection being valuable.

On the day it premiered in 1977 I walked into the theatre showing "Star Wars" and a guy dressed as a big, hairy monkey-creature with a bandolier and a ray gun handed me a button that said, "May the Force Be With You."

I said, "What the heck is that supposed to mean?" and threw it in the trash can.

-- Posted by kenteutsch on Tue, Sep 16, 2008, at 3:12 PM

I don't want to even begin to count how many star wars college funds my mom threw away. Actually she sold them away, in a yard sale.

If only now the federal government would seize half of the hannah montana collectibles and hold them in fort knox alan greenspan would be jobless in 20 years.

-- Posted by jonboon on Wed, Sep 17, 2008, at 2:02 AM

I had one of the very first barbie dolls that was made. My Mom did something with it. Never could find it

-- Posted by dyercgirl on Wed, Sep 17, 2008, at 2:52 PM

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