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Thursday, Apr. 17, 2014

You Say You Want a Resolution

Posted Sunday, January 4, 2009, at 11:09 AM

It is the time of year when people are expected to make resolutions and, unfortunately, when people who write things like this are expected to write about resolutions. Well, for better or worse it is my hard and fast rule to always do exactly what is expected of me. (This isn't as difficult as it might sound, since I've found that people's expectations of me are surprisingly low. The only trouble I run into is when I deal with people who always "expect the unexpected." Then I have to do things like comb all my hair straight up and break into Persian folksongs.)

People talk a lot about how difficult it is to keep resolutions. I'm not sure I understand that. It seems to me that the simple secret to keeping a resolution is to avoid wear and tear on it. For instance, take the resolution to get into shape. I've kept that one for decades now, and I have done it by only taking it out at the beginning of the year for just a week or two, and then carefully wrapping it back up in tissue paper and storing it away in a sturdy box in a nice dry corner of the attic. Cared for in this manner, I should be able to keep that resolution right up until the day I clutch my chest and fall over.

But on to this year's resolutions!

I decided to mix up the stale old resolutions to lose weight and get more exercise by thinking less of myself and more of my fellow man. I have resolved, therefore, to lose other people's weight. I will do this by stealing their food when they aren't looking. And I will give other people exercise. Possibly by chasing them. Possibly with a hatchet.

I have also resolved this year to learn a foreign language. Or failing that (as, let's face it, we all know I will), to pretend to have learned a foreign language. It can be Bantu, perhaps. Or maybe Lapp. Very few people know enough about what those sound like to tell that I'm just going "babba babba babba." But if I want to avoid even the off chance of being called out by a Laplander in the checkout line at Walmart, I can simply learn to speak Flamistani, which is a language I just made up.

As a gift to checkout clerks, cashiers and bank tellers, I solemnly resolve not to say, "Gee, I just can't believe it's 2009," every single time I write a check for the next three months.

That should just about do it. No need to go crazy with this stuff. Happy New Year and don't forget--be resolute!


Comments
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As a resident of Dyer County I realize how important it is to shop with local Dyer County merchants. That is exactly why I try to do so as often as possible. However just before Christmas I was shopping at a local retailer and purchased $100 worth of Christmas ornaments- seemed like alot of $ for the crunch or economy is in to me. I asked at the time of purchase for a box for the items, but was told she was out. So instead one piece of tissue paper was used in place to wrap 2 ornaments at a time. Now when I got home and opened everything up so that I may get them ready for gift giving- it was to my dismay to find the last one was broken. I called the local retailer to tell her what had happened. She asked me what I wanted her to do? She asked if I wanted her to check if she had another one. I replied yes. She then told me she would put my name on it and put it to the side. I took that to me she would exchange my broken ornament. When I sent my husband to do so, he was sold an additional ornanament. Now, this confused me a bit. So, the following day I took the broken one in and asked for a store credit, exchange, or refund. I was told there was nothing she could do for me. In my opinion, there was. A proper exchange should have been made. It was infact her improper packaging that was the reason the fragile ornament was broken to begin with. I would have been happy with any of the three options I gave her. Now they say with every good thing that happens to you, you tell 1 person. With every bad circumstance, you tell 20. Well, here's my 20. I will never shop at Hilltop in Dyersburg or step foot into an establishment that does business like this again. This $10 ornament has cost her all of my business. I hope it makes her happy. With the economy in the shape it is, and this is the way Jamie Meadows does business she will not be in Dyer County long anyway.

-- Posted by c103 on Sun, Jan 4, 2009, at 4:44 PM

My resolution would be not to shop at Hilltop in Dyersburg ever again and to tell as many people as possible of my bad experience there. I have already started and intend to keep doing so.

-- Posted by c103 on Sun, Jan 4, 2009, at 4:46 PM

i had no idea that when i chase people with hatchets i was actually doing it for their benefit!

-- Posted by jonboon on Sun, Jan 4, 2009, at 11:14 PM

New Years resolutions are not on any of my to do lists. It seems my to do lists are full and need not be altered. If altered, tampered, or misused, unfortunate consequences could result. Is there any relationship between a to do list and a list of resolutions? When you think about it, nah, not really. Both contain lists of things that need attention, depending on serverity, some hold presidence over others. That is up to the beholder. How and when does one start a resolution or a to do list? This is important. But most importantly of all is the finalization or reward of accomplishment one would receive from the results of a to do list or resolution.

To all of those out there who do or don't make resolutions or list should just read:

1 Thesalonians 4:11 (NIV)

"Make it your ambition to lead a quite life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands."

That's a start.

-- Posted by dorothysgirl on Tue, Jan 6, 2009, at 2:14 PM

did you mean "lead a quiet life" or "lead quite a life"

ha!

-- Posted by jonboon on Tue, Jan 6, 2009, at 2:28 PM

Thank you for the correction.

Quite a difference when it should have read a quiet life.

Have a great afternoon.

-- Posted by dorothysgirl on Tue, Jan 6, 2009, at 6:44 PM

John Lennon would be appreciative of the title of your article..............

-- Posted by Johnny Yuma on Wed, Jan 14, 2009, at 4:30 PM

lol. teutsch, you crack me up... also people who comment on blogs and try to sound more intelligent than they are by using words they don't understand improperly... well they crack me up as well.

-- Posted by incog-neato on Thu, Jan 15, 2009, at 12:51 PM


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