Former CNN anchor talks about struggle with depression

Schatzie Brunner - who worked as one of the original CNN news anchors under the name of Barbara Brunner - now works as a presentation coach. During her CNN years, she strove for perfection and battled severe depression. Today, she's cultivating her 'heart energy' and is happier with herself.

Then, on April 12, 1975, something happened. She was at a party, chatting with the publisher of the Wall Street Journal when she began to cry. She continued crying for the next five days - for no reason at all. She said she wasn't able to sleep or eat.

"I was afraid of everything," she said.

Schatzie Brunner talks to Sue Jones of Covington after Tuesday's Healthy Woman program. Brunner, a former CNN anchor, described her battle with depression. She now works as a presentation coach and has written the book, 'Say It So They Listen.' Brunner autographed a copy of the book for Jones. [Click to enlarge]

Things got worse. One morning, she curled up on the floor of her apartment, unable to select her attire for the day. The decision was too much.

She suffered a mental breakdown and quietly disappeared.

Her diagnosis: depression.

Brunner's physician put her on Thorazine, an antipsychotic that stopped her tears but also turned her into a zombie. The physician warned Brunner not to tell anyone that she'd had a breakdown or that she was depressed. That one fact, the doctor said, could ruin any future relationships, careers or dreams.

She followed the doctor's orders and kept the secret for 34 years. After focusing on her health for two years, she obtained a clerical job, eventually became one of the original CNN anchors and ultimately was a production assistant booking celebrity guests on "Larry King Live."

"I realized by keeping this secret I was just prolonging the stigma of depression," she said. "I'm on a personal crusade to tell people to go to the doctor - not for a pill but for a referral.

"With something like depression, you need an expert in the field."

Brunner shared her story - and tips for battling depression - on Tuesday with members of the Dyersburg Regional Medical Center Healthy Woman program.

Depression is often described as a chemical imbalance in the brain, usually blamed on a shortage of serotonin. That's true, but Brunner said that's only part of the problem.

She recommended a two-pronged approach to battling depression: medication and psychotherapy.

"Doctors are handing out lots and lots of medication without an assessment," she said. While medication has improved tremendously in the last 30-something years, she believes medication alone won't resolve the problem.

"The best results come when you are properly assessed and you combine medications with therapy," she said.

Therapy helped her understand that she wasn't listening to the messages her body was sending.

Brunner believes that the body is, essentially, controlled by two brains: the one in your head that tells you what you "should" do and the one in your chest - the heart - that tells you what you need to do to be happy and well adjusted.

"Depression, fear and anxiety are stop signs to tell us something is not right," she said.

Brunner said she had defined herself by her father's college, by her family's big house, by the parties she attended. She listened to the brain in her head, living with the "shoulds" and striving to be on top of every task.

Eventually, she realized that she was empty. "There was no me inside," she said, gesturing to her heart.

Physicists have documented human energy - the individual life force - that extends beyond our physical bodies. To feel it for yourself, Brunner told the women to put one hand on top of the other and hold them slightly apart. The heat you feel is your energy, your heart energy, she said.

"I want you to start to understand your heart energy," she said. Power doesn't come from how much you get done. "Power and empowerment comes from understanding this heart energy."

Boost your heart energy by identifying energy givers and energy suckers. Draw a vertical line on the center of a page. Label one column for energy givers and the other column for energy suckers. In the energy givers column, list people, places, things and activities that make you feel energized. In the energy suckers column, list the people, places, things and activities that drain your personal energy. Carry the list with you for a week, jotting entries each time you notice a surging or sapping of energy.

The list will help you identify the people and situations that make you happy or leave you felling stressed. Avoid the stressors and seek more energizers.

Brunner also offered a number of tips from Psychologist Martha Beck to "pull yourself out of the muck" of depression. These include the following:

* Stop defining your life by history and stories from the past.

* Become present. Living in the past or the future is "head stuff," she said. "That's ego. It's not about reality. How do you feel?"

* Never stop learning - learning about your individual life force, your energy inside. Figure out what you really feel and why. Determine what changes need to be made.

* Tell the truth - especially to yourself. The phrase, "Oh, I was just kidding," is often a fallacy. Every time you compromise and decline to admit the truth to yourself, you chip away at your self-esteem.

* Exercise defensive negativism. Make a list of every bad thing that could happen and come up with a solution ahead of time. Then, you'll be prepared for anything.

* Understand there is no such thing as perfection. Brunner said she tried to be perfect. She constantly analyzed her actions and told herself, "I could have done that better." Now, she realizes that browbeating herself was a habit that needed to be broken. Each time she had a negative thought, she interrupted the thought and replaced it with something positive. "That's the way to stay connected to who you are," she said.

* Breathe. "When I lived in my head (with all my thoughts), I forgot to breathe," she said. Most adults forget how to breathe, and the problem gets worse when we feel stressed or scared. Watch babies breathing: their tummies expand and shrink with every breath. Adults tend to breathe only in their chests; they rarely get air all the way to the bottom of their lungs, Brunner said. She recommended a breathing exercise to find peace when you're upset or worried. Put one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen. Breathe in through the nose to the count of 7, expanding your abdomen first and the chest last. Hold that breath to a count of 4. Exhale through the mouth to a count of 8, expelling the air from the chest and then the abdomen. Repeat the exercise 10 times.

"You will calm down and be able to make decisions," she said.

"Face the fear, breathe and get in touch with your energy."

--Take a quick test for depression symptoms--

Peruse the list of symptoms below and check the ones that apply to you. Don't stop to think about them; just go with your gut reaction.

* Headaches.

* Back pain.

* Muscle and joint pain - a lot of it all the time.

* Chest pain.

* Digestive problems.

* Exhaustion and fatigue.

* Sleeping problems.

* A change in appetite or weight.

* Dizziness or lightheadedness.

* Constant sadness.

* Irritability.

* Hopelessness. Do you say: "I don't care" or "It doesn't matter"?

* Feeling of worthlessness or guilt.

* Difficulty concentrating.

* No interest in your favorite activities.

* Restlessness.

All of these symptoms have been linked to depression.

Checking one symptom doesn't mean you have depression, but the checking several could mean you have a problem. Talk to your physician.

Schatzie Brunner, who speaks about her 34-year battle with depression, presented the list of symptoms during Tuesday's Healthy Woman luncheon at The Lannom Center. Healthy Woman is a Dyersburg Regional Medical Center program.